Bag Lady?

There's a red dust storm covering Arlington. The news says it's from West Texas. I say it's from hell because of it's milky red appearance. The wind blows strong and coughs up dust with each gust. Where did this come from and when will it go remains to be seen, but I bet tonight will have a killer sunset.
Went into the Dollar Tree today. Gosh, they have everything, from light bulbs to flower bulbs, from kiddie makeup to little chairs. That's right, like on Grey's Anatomy last night, you can buy furniture for only a dollar. I sort of feel like the bag lady when I go in there. Muttering happily to myself and exclaiming over certain amusing artifacts buried amonst the rubble. If I'm to keep up this "path of the bums" way I'm going, i.e. bumming off my mom, then I'll certainly need to keep up with the ways of the world of bums, hence, the bag lady.
What 3 things do you need to know to be a bag lady? Well first is bags. You must have bags slung around your body at all times, because if you don't, well, you're just a lady.
Shopping carts from local grocery stores also add to the bag lady's accoutrements. If you can't find a shopping cart, use an old cardboard box that you pull around on a string tied through a hole in the box. Mutter at the box as if it is a pet. If boxes are hard to find, there's always bags.
A personal bag lady favorite is mutterings and although it's more of a religious freak's duty, there's always the bag lady that wants to pass on wisdom of the coming plauge or end of the world.
The third thing: to be a bag lady, coping skills are a must, as it's not an easy job. People often stare at you and at times naughty boys throw rotten fruit. There are many trash bags and cans to explore so let your curiosity get the best of you. Best of luck to you with your bag lady explorations.