Written 02/26/2007
My mother has impossible requests
"Hate your sister."
"Don't be like your father."
As if I could take away the apin
I desperately siphon
Into a car that is out of gas
When it rolls, and I with it, I rejoice
I, eye, that window to the
soul lies, "Pity me."
So I continue on the forged path
Cutting way through bramble
towards mythical golden cities,
happiness.
For her and for me,
Simple things,
Bread and butter and tea
Deocomposition, rendition
of all the poems I just read
backwards, coming out
to say "Hello" and answering
my mother's impossible requests
Managing them into lost cubby holes
Marked "Return to Sender."
Friday, April 27, 2007
The Update
It's with much guilt that I come back to my poor neglected blog: far from writing every day, I've been writing quite sporadically, trying to make up for lost time gradually. The truth is, I've been busier. Kroger and Chuck E. Cheese, but I feel that any excuse for not keeping my dear readers updated with the nitty-gritty of my life is no excuse at all.
Lately, I'm going to be even busier: I found that instead of the $200 I've been expecting out of my paycheck, I'll be receiving about $100. After all, I am but a lowly sacker. That means I either have to abandon my schedule or make up for lost monies. I choose the latter. So I e-mailed old Talia for some writing jobs and have been bidding on projects at www.getafreelancer.com. Yesterday I wrote some articles for $10, long way from my $130 I have to make up for this month. That'd about cover my library fine. However, I'm happy in the decision I've made and will expend every effort to accomplishment. If I can simply be done with my debt in July or August, I will be satisfied.
Lately, I'm going to be even busier: I found that instead of the $200 I've been expecting out of my paycheck, I'll be receiving about $100. After all, I am but a lowly sacker. That means I either have to abandon my schedule or make up for lost monies. I choose the latter. So I e-mailed old Talia for some writing jobs and have been bidding on projects at www.getafreelancer.com. Yesterday I wrote some articles for $10, long way from my $130 I have to make up for this month. That'd about cover my library fine. However, I'm happy in the decision I've made and will expend every effort to accomplishment. If I can simply be done with my debt in July or August, I will be satisfied.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Life as a Dish
My life now consists of a main dish of Kroger with a side of Chuck E. Cheese. Probably Monday I'll call the nursing school counseler and make an appointment. Can't wait to figure out what classes I'll need. Since classes cost, and being discounted at Tarrant County College, I might go there for a bit of time.
Time is always ticking away, so I want to put my clock in perspective. I've figured it and at the rate I'm going I'll have paid off my debt by mid July and have reached my goal of a thousand dollars in savings by mid-August. There's a timeline. And like any good little boy or girl, I'll mark my progress by the chart. There's considerations such as doctors appointments so the schedule is elastic and flexible. There's room for an emergency. But I feel that this goal which I am working so hard towards, of being debt free is within my grasp. I can see it on paper and life, although consisting of work, is bittersweet.
Time is always ticking away, so I want to put my clock in perspective. I've figured it and at the rate I'm going I'll have paid off my debt by mid July and have reached my goal of a thousand dollars in savings by mid-August. There's a timeline. And like any good little boy or girl, I'll mark my progress by the chart. There's considerations such as doctors appointments so the schedule is elastic and flexible. There's room for an emergency. But I feel that this goal which I am working so hard towards, of being debt free is within my grasp. I can see it on paper and life, although consisting of work, is bittersweet.
Shopping Carts
Collusion of shopping carts
Gossiping about
How many groceries they've carried
That day.
Discussing the prices
Of steak and potatoes.
And the intimate habits of
Each customer.
How one snores and another has
a pet dog which
will only eat Fancy Feast.
And again, the employees,
How one thinks she's worked too long,
Again how this one can push 20 shopping carts in a row,
And he does,
Lined up like soldiers, awaiting battle,
Collusion of shopping carts is no more.
Gossiping about
How many groceries they've carried
That day.
Discussing the prices
Of steak and potatoes.
And the intimate habits of
Each customer.
How one snores and another has
a pet dog which
will only eat Fancy Feast.
And again, the employees,
How one thinks she's worked too long,
Again how this one can push 20 shopping carts in a row,
And he does,
Lined up like soldiers, awaiting battle,
Collusion of shopping carts is no more.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Video Camera
Life is like a video camera. We take snapshots, or memories in our head and review them at our convience. But life doesn't have to be you behind the camera all the time. Life requires our participation. Life requires our all the sporty genes we have. We must take time to appreciate and enjoy life in all it's bountiful goodness to us.
I'm sure you're wondering, where's all the money Megan is making in her new job? I had the same question. Well, it turns out the checks come the week after the work is done. So I'll be in the money next week, with my paycheck with Chuck E. Cheese. That's what you would think, right? However, $105 of that money is going to pay my student loans and the rest to paying the University next month. They say that crime doesn't pay, well neither does insanity. If but for that reason, I'm not going to try anything again.
So enjoying life's bountiful goodness with my jobs and making money on the side. Life goes well, it does.
I'm sure you're wondering, where's all the money Megan is making in her new job? I had the same question. Well, it turns out the checks come the week after the work is done. So I'll be in the money next week, with my paycheck with Chuck E. Cheese. That's what you would think, right? However, $105 of that money is going to pay my student loans and the rest to paying the University next month. They say that crime doesn't pay, well neither does insanity. If but for that reason, I'm not going to try anything again.
So enjoying life's bountiful goodness with my jobs and making money on the side. Life goes well, it does.
Of Texas
Waiting for summer,
With the sweat stains
Around the armpits.
And the peanut butter heat.
Of Texas.
With the sweat stains
Around the armpits.
And the peanut butter heat.
Of Texas.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Where's the Money?
I get my check from Kroger. It's a measly $43.00. But that's for 8 hours. Where's the check for the rest of the hours that I've worked? I'm convinced it's still behind the counter, even though I asked and she checked. I was supposed to get two hundred smackeroos for this week alone. Gotta pay that government loan.
Other than that news, I think I have social anxiety. I start freaking out when there is a lull in bagging and I get tired really easily. Fun, fun, cause I'm going to be working jobs back to back this Friday and Saturday.
Did I tell you about our bosses at Kroger? They're scary, scary women who enjoy making poor peons like me feel bad. As part of some sort of program, we have 4 or 5 of them overseeing us making sure we smile, make eye contact, greet, engage (I feel like Patrick Stewart) and thank the customer. With all these people greeting and thanking and helping them, they're going to think they are at some special resort and that those cucumbers in produce go on their eyes instead of their salad.
I'm not having fun seeing what people eat anymore, though it was cool to peek into their lives for a day or two. Now it's just a job. And the payoff's in the money...so where's the money?
Other than that news, I think I have social anxiety. I start freaking out when there is a lull in bagging and I get tired really easily. Fun, fun, cause I'm going to be working jobs back to back this Friday and Saturday.
Did I tell you about our bosses at Kroger? They're scary, scary women who enjoy making poor peons like me feel bad. As part of some sort of program, we have 4 or 5 of them overseeing us making sure we smile, make eye contact, greet, engage (I feel like Patrick Stewart) and thank the customer. With all these people greeting and thanking and helping them, they're going to think they are at some special resort and that those cucumbers in produce go on their eyes instead of their salad.
I'm not having fun seeing what people eat anymore, though it was cool to peek into their lives for a day or two. Now it's just a job. And the payoff's in the money...so where's the money?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Faith and Faith
I work with Faith. Out of the blue she asks me if I'm going to the Summer Training. I forget that I could go. I could just go if I wanted. Just go out to California and have a glorious week of crystalization.
That brings me to God. I believe we need faith to keep us going. Maybe there are the strong and powerful who don't need to believe in anything. But I am weak and unstable. I know my weaknesses and I can't control them. I have bad habits which are difficult to break. I'm not a super-human. I need others around me and that man named Jesus to talk to every once in a while.
That brings me to God. I believe we need faith to keep us going. Maybe there are the strong and powerful who don't need to believe in anything. But I am weak and unstable. I know my weaknesses and I can't control them. I have bad habits which are difficult to break. I'm not a super-human. I need others around me and that man named Jesus to talk to every once in a while.
Supplication
There's nothing emptier than
A plastic grocery bag.
Floating in the wind.
God's fingers,
Streaks of light
From the coffee ground clouds.
Sends hope through the emptiness
That Rosecrantz and Guildenstern
Are dead.
So we supplicate.
A plastic grocery bag.
Floating in the wind.
God's fingers,
Streaks of light
From the coffee ground clouds.
Sends hope through the emptiness
That Rosecrantz and Guildenstern
Are dead.
So we supplicate.
Monday, April 16, 2007
The "Adventure."
Today I went on an "adventure." To the Cookie Machine. I mean, talk about awesome. A whole 4 lbs of double-chocolate chip cookie dough came home with me. I plan to pad myself with the extra lbs. It will surely come in handy.
Kroger and the Monies
Sacking isn't that difficult of a job. My first day at Kroger was on Sunday, and my arms ache a little, but other than that, I'm super pumped. Groceries just seem to slide into the bag themselves after a while, but nothing meets the speed of the checkers, who fire away with a volley of beeps. The best part of the job is the people who are varied and interesting. It's almost as if you get to peek into their private life when you sack groceries. This person has a dog, or this person's drinking tonight. This person obviously doesn't cook because they only have TV dinners. Older women, families, and single men are the most common sight. Many of them give me a smile or a "thank you" as they pass through. I really think I'll like this job more than Chunk E. Cheese despite the lower pay and the long hours. It deals with a more varied sect of people and the employees are interesting as well. So I'm well on my way to dealing with my debt, which I'm sure you're curious how much I still have accrued.
I'm still $12,394.11 in the hole, most of which is student loans. That's the figures: donations will be accepted.
I'm still $12,394.11 in the hole, most of which is student loans. That's the figures: donations will be accepted.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Taxes and the FAFSA
Finished my taxes. I'm sure everyone is rushing around hurriedly trying to get them done. My mom is spending her weekend doing them.
After that is the FAFSA which is due in July. If I finish the forms before July, I might get that Texas Grant, so spending time on them ASAP.
Continuing with the scholarships which will help me not use loans for my college experience.
I start my new job at Kroger this Sunday. I work from 4 to 1pm on Sunday. Great hours, though. I'm starting to hate my Chuck E. Cheese job because it has such sucky hours. Plus there's not much chance of promotion to cashier like there is at Kroger. They have amazing benefits: dental, free glasses, life insurance, and a union. You also have a pension after you've worked 5 years with the company. I spent all day Thursday going over benefits and doing an orientation none of which really prepares you for the job itself. I'm sure, however that'll I'll do alright. Just smile and greet the customer. I'm so glad to be working in a job that is working with people. That will increase my customer service skills.
After that is the FAFSA which is due in July. If I finish the forms before July, I might get that Texas Grant, so spending time on them ASAP.
Continuing with the scholarships which will help me not use loans for my college experience.
I start my new job at Kroger this Sunday. I work from 4 to 1pm on Sunday. Great hours, though. I'm starting to hate my Chuck E. Cheese job because it has such sucky hours. Plus there's not much chance of promotion to cashier like there is at Kroger. They have amazing benefits: dental, free glasses, life insurance, and a union. You also have a pension after you've worked 5 years with the company. I spent all day Thursday going over benefits and doing an orientation none of which really prepares you for the job itself. I'm sure, however that'll I'll do alright. Just smile and greet the customer. I'm so glad to be working in a job that is working with people. That will increase my customer service skills.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Well-Intentioned Letter to Save the World
I've written a letter to the leader of the Congo, Joseph Kabila. It states some of the problems he has in his country and outlines some solutions to the problems. I'm sending it to the his ambassador to this country in the hopes that it may do some good to alleviate the problems of his people.
The problem is I'm going to have to rewrite the letter. In encouraging him to use his power as the government, I seem to have made a mistake. Reading Economics In One Lesson, by Henry Hazlitt, I find that governments creating jobs will actually harm rather than help the economy. Jobs will be visibly created, yes, but the money to hire them will be taxed from the people, thus decreasing jobs. And government loans are not helpful either, in taking bigger risks with taxpayers dollars than would be done by banks or private lenders.
It's amazing what we learn in public schools about the Depression and how jobs were created by the government and loans given out as part of the New Deal. In actuality, the New Deal itself wasn't what brought the change, but the attitude of the people being brought out of their depression. That's what I believe really brought on prosperity.
This is all research for a paper I will write on whether forign aid is a solution to third world poverty. So onward I forge in my quest for dollars to aid me in dollars which will enable me to have no more loans! Not that loans are a bad thing, they simply are a pain in the butt to have to pay off.
The problem is I'm going to have to rewrite the letter. In encouraging him to use his power as the government, I seem to have made a mistake. Reading Economics In One Lesson, by Henry Hazlitt, I find that governments creating jobs will actually harm rather than help the economy. Jobs will be visibly created, yes, but the money to hire them will be taxed from the people, thus decreasing jobs. And government loans are not helpful either, in taking bigger risks with taxpayers dollars than would be done by banks or private lenders.
It's amazing what we learn in public schools about the Depression and how jobs were created by the government and loans given out as part of the New Deal. In actuality, the New Deal itself wasn't what brought the change, but the attitude of the people being brought out of their depression. That's what I believe really brought on prosperity.
This is all research for a paper I will write on whether forign aid is a solution to third world poverty. So onward I forge in my quest for dollars to aid me in dollars which will enable me to have no more loans! Not that loans are a bad thing, they simply are a pain in the butt to have to pay off.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Riger Mortis
Riger Mortis has set in
She told him
He told him
And he told me.
A freezing of the features
of the face
of my life
Without you.
She told him
He told him
And he told me.
A freezing of the features
of the face
of my life
Without you.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
To Colorado
Sun in my eyes
Following the path of the pioneers
From Kansas to Colorado
Silversweet snow
Litters the ground
Drifts whisper
"Come, fall in me!"
We pass by
Snow lies untouched
Route seventy
Any old song on the CD player
My family,
Snuggly tucked in the four courners
Of the white sports car
Wind howls outside
Screaming "Stay, stay!"
But our momentum is unchecked
Onward we speed
Hope in something unseen
A future destination.
Following the path of the pioneers
From Kansas to Colorado
Silversweet snow
Litters the ground
Drifts whisper
"Come, fall in me!"
We pass by
Snow lies untouched
Route seventy
Any old song on the CD player
My family,
Snuggly tucked in the four courners
Of the white sports car
Wind howls outside
Screaming "Stay, stay!"
But our momentum is unchecked
Onward we speed
Hope in something unseen
A future destination.
A Package of Goodies
Money is tight. I've just paid Texas State University's $433.50 required amount each month, and have no leftovers. I get paid next week and that money goes to my Ford loan and then I have a hundred left over. Which I might save for next month.
Money is tight, but the gods are good: my conversation with my mom on the way home revealed a package. Yes, my long-lost father has sent me some goodies. Money with Saddam Hussien's picture on it, surely antique material. A hat that says "Danger, Mines!" on it. And a few DVDs. Astroboy, Lady in the Water, Samari Jack, Pride and Prejudice and few others. This little reminder that I am loved comes at the right time.
Money is tight, but the gods are good: my conversation with my mom on the way home revealed a package. Yes, my long-lost father has sent me some goodies. Money with Saddam Hussien's picture on it, surely antique material. A hat that says "Danger, Mines!" on it. And a few DVDs. Astroboy, Lady in the Water, Samari Jack, Pride and Prejudice and few others. This little reminder that I am loved comes at the right time.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Recruiters and Baby-Blue Mushrooms
The day gyres into the evening, as the golden orb of day ceaselessly bakes the turning earth. Shadows fall like curtains, covering the ground which instead of techni-color green, brown, and blue, turn shades of grey. The day comes to a close and I review the day's events.
She had nice, white, even teeth. Small silver earrings pierced each ear and a silver necklace graced her neck. A black cardigan went over her modest blouse. She was the recuiter. A little late, I was nervous in front of her, in my navy-blue capri slacks and silky blue shirt. She quickly put me at ease and went over my qualifications, emphasizing Subway, and mentioning that I'd be working two jobs. The most interesting part of the interview was the drug test. A swab you swished in your mouth for at least 3 minutes and then handed over in a small capsule to be rushed to the lab. A background check was also required. I didn't know so much went into putting cans in a sack. After background checks there's orientation and training. It seems they take their employees very seriously.
Which is how I do not take my knitting project of late. A fuzzy mix of fibers, baby-blue in color, I was attempting to make a baby hat. It looks more like a doily at this point and I'm considering unraveling the project. So the project of baby clothes will be put on standby as I make a another hat with double-edged needles, this time, creating an adult hat. A find in the book store, I'm the proud owner of
Hip to Knit which forays into creating hats, socks, and sweaters. My knitting madness is complete.
She had nice, white, even teeth. Small silver earrings pierced each ear and a silver necklace graced her neck. A black cardigan went over her modest blouse. She was the recuiter. A little late, I was nervous in front of her, in my navy-blue capri slacks and silky blue shirt. She quickly put me at ease and went over my qualifications, emphasizing Subway, and mentioning that I'd be working two jobs. The most interesting part of the interview was the drug test. A swab you swished in your mouth for at least 3 minutes and then handed over in a small capsule to be rushed to the lab. A background check was also required. I didn't know so much went into putting cans in a sack. After background checks there's orientation and training. It seems they take their employees very seriously.
Which is how I do not take my knitting project of late. A fuzzy mix of fibers, baby-blue in color, I was attempting to make a baby hat. It looks more like a doily at this point and I'm considering unraveling the project. So the project of baby clothes will be put on standby as I make a another hat with double-edged needles, this time, creating an adult hat. A find in the book store, I'm the proud owner of
Hip to Knit which forays into creating hats, socks, and sweaters. My knitting madness is complete.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Kroger, Hates and More
So I have an interview with Rhonda from Kroger tomorrow. Super exciting. More money. I already have plans for the money...Debt, Education, and then I'll buy a bike. There's nothing quite like the feeling of riding a bike. It's like you're flying, balancing as a tightrope walker on two thin treads of wheel.
That and minor forays into knitting. I'm in the middle of knitting a light-blue, fuzzy baby hat with double-edged needles. The first time I've ventured into this type of knitting and overall it's not that difficult of a challenge. The one problem I have is that these needles are short, about 7 inches, and the stitches keep slipping off at the corners.
Other news, now I'm concerned about disease, hunger, agriculture, water resources, and education in other countries, all due to writing scholarship material. Well, there's a down-side to everything. Ha, ha.
That and minor forays into knitting. I'm in the middle of knitting a light-blue, fuzzy baby hat with double-edged needles. The first time I've ventured into this type of knitting and overall it's not that difficult of a challenge. The one problem I have is that these needles are short, about 7 inches, and the stitches keep slipping off at the corners.
Other news, now I'm concerned about disease, hunger, agriculture, water resources, and education in other countries, all due to writing scholarship material. Well, there's a down-side to everything. Ha, ha.
Monday, April 2, 2007
Pollution and Population
Greenhouse emmissions were ruled by the supreme court today to be a pollutant and a factor in global warming. The Environmental Protection Agency is now required to re-examine it's uncertainty on such gases eminating from cars and trucks, and to answer why they wouldn't regulate such emmissions or investigate alternative fuel sources. Well, why not when the population of the United States has reached it's 300 million mark in October of 2006.
Which is what I'm writing another scholarship essay on. If the population of the US is sustainable in the long term. My stance is that the population is sustainable in the long term, but with population increases, that sustainability is decreased. There's disease, poverty, and pollution to think about, not forgetting the simplist of resources: food, water, and land. However, I believe that human ingenuity and intellegence can overcome these odds and shrinking life supply to create a stable environment with enough resources. I mean, in China, the government rules that only one child is acceptable, and perhaps that may become a reality in America someday. However, it's more likely that the immigration policy will become strict, and our "loose borders" will tighten. That's the future of Americans though we know it not.
Which is what I'm writing another scholarship essay on. If the population of the US is sustainable in the long term. My stance is that the population is sustainable in the long term, but with population increases, that sustainability is decreased. There's disease, poverty, and pollution to think about, not forgetting the simplist of resources: food, water, and land. However, I believe that human ingenuity and intellegence can overcome these odds and shrinking life supply to create a stable environment with enough resources. I mean, in China, the government rules that only one child is acceptable, and perhaps that may become a reality in America someday. However, it's more likely that the immigration policy will become strict, and our "loose borders" will tighten. That's the future of Americans though we know it not.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Scholarships and the Starving Children
I've begun the polishing phase of writing on my essay on child labor and compassion. It started out as a crappy essay, and now it's looking a little better. Shortened, edited, and glossed up, it's now gone to the "peer review stage." I've sent it to a couple of friends and family and hope they will tell me honestly what they think. After that, I go over it and make a few more adjustments and it's off to the scholarship board.
I'm hoping that one, there aren't that many outstanding essay's, and two, that I get at least an honorable mention. Previous winners mostly had experience with starving or AIDS infested children, therefore giving them a little more experience than I have, but I think I shaped up a pretty kick-ass essay for someone who hasn't.
Not only that, but now I feel for the little buggers. They shouldn't have to work all day for pennies. They need a chance at education and schooling. Some of them want to be doctors and nurses. They should be able to get that chance without having to worry about when they'll get their next meal, or if they're going to get shoes. Education should be free. At least through the secondary level. This is just a dream to many in underdeveloped countries. Now I want to engage that Doctors Without Borders or Medicos Sans Frontieres. That's an opportunity I'd like to take once I get out of college. To go and respond to the world's needs, instead of just my own.
I'm hoping that one, there aren't that many outstanding essay's, and two, that I get at least an honorable mention. Previous winners mostly had experience with starving or AIDS infested children, therefore giving them a little more experience than I have, but I think I shaped up a pretty kick-ass essay for someone who hasn't.
Not only that, but now I feel for the little buggers. They shouldn't have to work all day for pennies. They need a chance at education and schooling. Some of them want to be doctors and nurses. They should be able to get that chance without having to worry about when they'll get their next meal, or if they're going to get shoes. Education should be free. At least through the secondary level. This is just a dream to many in underdeveloped countries. Now I want to engage that Doctors Without Borders or Medicos Sans Frontieres. That's an opportunity I'd like to take once I get out of college. To go and respond to the world's needs, instead of just my own.
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