The March

This, the last day of March, I would like to go over the highlights of March with you. Certainly getting checks from dad was a highlight. Even more so I believe the visit from Bryan, where we talked about God and sex and everything in between was definitely a good place to be.
Books were read: Desperado, Consider Lily, and Javascript for Dummies, which unfortunately, I didn't finish.
The balloon and cake day was celebrated for Margarita's kids. That was a fun day and I met some members of the community.
I paid off my first bill and then the university strapped me with "You have to pay off your bills with us - or else!" So that'll be my bill paying action - to make enough money to pay off $433.50 a month, plus the student loan of $105.00. Just struggling to make it happen.
Overall, a good, solid, if a bit boring month.

Haiku #10

Blogger is fixed
Heaven be praised, typing fingers
feast on the keyboard.

Hypochondiac and Gardens

I think my mom is a hypochondriac. But pushing the point isn't worth our relationship. She's always in bed with something... (whoops, I almost wrote someone) . "I have a headache. I have nasal congestion. My arm hurts. I have allergies." I think my mom is just plain old tired of life. Whatever that means. How you can be tired of life is beyond me. Life is the one evershifting, everchanging thing which must be tended to like a little garden. One cannot let it fall into disrepair, or it will become a massive project to overcome. And then one will become tired of life. One will also become tired of life, when they listen too much to the negative things: I'm tired, I'm depressed, I have nothing to do. If these things come up we must take care of them in time, like weeds to be pulled. If not they will overrun our little garden. So take care of your little plot in the garden of life.

Pictures!!!

So I go to download the driver for the HP photosmart and it's just that easy. I type in the model number and they give me the software. How neat is that?! Now I'll be downloading all these pictures of me and I can send them and put them on my aveys, just like I've always wanted. Too bad I'm not cute and adorable anymore.
There's something about aging, you can sort of feel the change, but also you look in the mirror and there's not this cute little free person staring back at you but this tied-up tied-down, just plain tired person. And you don't really know what to do with that person, because you're so used to the other one. You don't really want to look at yourself anymore. I used to spend hours looking into the mirror. Now I just want the mirror to go away. I bet I can still make me look cute, though, that's the photographer's invention. They can find art in the smallest things.

Haiku #9

Am I tired?
Or is life tired of me
Twiddling thumbs.

Work and Work and more Work

What the hell. So I go to work two days this week and next week he only has me working one day. ONE day. That's freaking 7 hours a week. I thought this thing was a full time job when I first got into it. I've got to talk to the manager. I need more hours than this.
Also, on Monday, I'm going to go check over at Kroger and see if they've reviewed my application. I'm really going to need a second job if I only work a meager 7 hours a week at Chuck E. Cheese. If I can't do salad bar, I can do other things, I can dance, make me a show host. I'd love to do that. But please, please, please get me more hours.
And fix blogger. I've been meaning to write some back-up posts but haven't been able to due to problems in blogger. I wonder if you can shift posts from one blog engine to another. I'm going to Xanga if this keeps up.

Zimbabwe

Mugabe, president of Zimbabwe has begun a march to destroy any opposition of his rule on March 11. This towering Jenga tower, the economy and political situation of Zimbabwe is that close to a collapse. Mugabe wants to remain in power and will use any corrupt means to take it, including arrest of More Developed Country officials, arrests of ordinary people and activists, threats to these people's lawyers, and raiding the Zimbabwe's Labor Union offices. Although there are many politians condemning his practises, more needs to be done. These practices against human rights cannot continue.

Mea Culpa and the Children

Hello all, forgive me for neglecting my lovely blog of late. Things just get caught up, like in the washing machine, spinning, spinning, till all the clothes are twisted in a big knot around the center. Of course, that's not what they really do: the centrifugial force, forces them outward, away from the center, and that's how I finally end up back here, at the dark blue, tan, and white "Create" page, on which I compose a blog.
What has my time composed of, other than eating lemon bars and storing fat away? Most of my waking hours have been going to composing an essay for those who have enough money to give away. That's right, scholorships. And this particular essay is about child labor and compassion. It didn't take many site hits before I'm practically in tears over the little goobers. In factories, in domestic work, in mines, and agriculturally, the maze of sites presents them as emotionally as possible, necessary for funding, I assume. Did you know there's even child labor in the U.S.?
Now I'm all gleaming eyed-most comparable to civil rights activists-and preparing my major in order to go over to these underdeveloped countries and give a hand. But truthfully, I can't afford to be a save the children advocate, barely paying my own bills. The university finally called me and lay down the law: I have to pay them in 4 months, with payments of about $450 a month. That puts all my other bills on the back burner.
There is encouraging news on the revenue front, however, since I turned in several applications to places like Kroger and the Dollar Store. I need that second job: it's absolutely vital for paying bills and making money over the summer.

Insanity

So my psychologist tells me to write about when I was crazy. I'm writing, and from the various experiences, I'm gleaning that I really was pretty crazy. Nobody knew because I just nodded and smiled. But it was neat because life was exciting, you know. It had meaning. I guess a lot of manic people say that. But we all combat our own personal insanities in our own way. A Beautiful Mind, I can't mention that enough.
The deep dark regions of our mind sometimes come out in interesting ways. Will keep you updated on the writings of the insane.

Haiku #8

The crook of my elbow,
Unlike cupid's bow,
Can't sort out my love life.

Kroger and Lemon Bars

So I'm filling out this Kroger application and they ask if I've received any AFDC. What the... I don't know what it is, but I wish I had received some. So Kroger's super close to where I already work, if I get the job it'll be like I practically live in that strip mall. Super awesome that they are advertising for hire, though.
Can I handle two jobs? I'd better have to, to pay off the debt I already have all $12,600.26 of it. That's including school loans: excluding school loans it's $3,754.70. I've been steadly paying off the debt, but having only worked 2 months, I've gotten 3 bills paid off. I can do better than that. So Kroger and the Dollar Tree have my application and maybe my work will pay off.
In other news, I've made some kick-ass lemon bars. When you bite through them, it's crunchy, gooey, flaky, all in one.

Birthday Parties and Bryan

So Bryan calls me up with a bunch of questions about the blog in which I've noted him. What to do, dear readers, what to do? Our relationship is like a fish out of water. Struggling and wracking it's body to get back into the great wide fishy beyond. I'm struggling to get on my feet, work my life around pills I have to take and getting a job and going back to school and I have to worry about my love life, too? It's a hassle, but I believe it's worth it.
Margarita (yes, she has the name of a drink) from work invited me to two children's birthday party. I came bearing clothes and a plastic sea turtle. Awaiting me was a salad, pizza, wonderous tres leches cake and a cute couple with an 8-year-old. The couple, Elizabeth, and I don't remember his name, both work in the criminal justice field. He, a police officer, and she as a 911 dispatcher. So they regaled me with tales from work, quite entertaining. It was nice to meet some people my age even if they did have a kid. They are Margarita's neighbor's, apparently living in some orange apartments off Lamar and they bike ride for fun. I've got to get myself a bike. Exercise sucks, but bike-riding is like an adventure. So that's my little story of the day.

Words

Words, like frozen yogurt,
The kind you get at McDonalds,
Which freezes your brain
When you take a bite that's too large,
And is perfect,
Melting over your fingers,
Until swabbed by the paper napkin,
provided. Words.

Like a Mug or Haiku #7

Am I the empty coffee cup?
Trading liquids with
The body of a mug.

Haiku #6

Listening to mus-
ic. Burns holes in my argue-
ment that life isn't.

God's Cultivated Land

I was reading some ministry today. Something about "Being God's cultivated land" and being the sowers who sow the seed.
I don't know why I read the book entitled The Holy Word for Morning Revival. It makes me feel I have a purpose, I suppose. A reason for living. Maybe that makes me weak. But I am weak, and that's ok. I just feel more open to life by praying some of the verses and somehow it's ok that I don't really believe that much.
So I enjoyed the phrase that proclaimed us as the cultivated land for God. We are His spiritual land, in which His seed grows. The reading ended with "is still all a mystery to natural man," of course. I guess if reading verses helps us we should do it, even if we don't understand it. For example, the children of Isreal not eating things without cloven hoofs without knowing why they were dirty. Pigs actually had more bacteria than cows or other animals with cloven hoofs, thereby keeping the children of Isreal safe from infectious material.

Love and War

Bush promises that the war is worth it and it's the fourth anniversary of the "war on terror" and troops in Iraq. Securing the nation's capital is the prime objective for this war. They say that most of the 21,500 new troops are going to Bagdad. Just how big is this city, anyway?
But that's life. Speaking of life, in general, this past weekend was one for the memory books. Bryan, my little-more-than-a-friend, came up here from Texas City and we went around to the mall. Little more than in the doors, my hand was in his and we walked around like that for quite a while. What does this mean? I don't know. We are comfortable with each other? Most probably. The evening was highlighted by a trip to John B's, the local pub, and Taco Bueno's yummy tacos. Ended perfectly, by a light kiss on the lips.
Financially-wise, I'm on the up and go, but relationship-wise, I'm more than a little wary. But no harm can come from a little old-fashioned loving. :-)

The Religion of the Daily Grind

Body World and Kittens

I'm so psyched about this weekend. My friends from San Marcos are coming down to maybe go see Body World Exhibition and just hang out.
I might get to meet Meara's family, which is something I've always wanted to do. She's the first of several, so I've heard and I've always considered big families interesting.
It's the first time in a long time that I've seen them, so nerves are fluttering around my stomach poking me with their miniature pitchforks. I'm sure everything will turn out fine, but my social life has been so stunted I'm not sure I remember how to talk to people who are not my mom. It'll be such a relief to be with company in which I know I can relax and just enjoy myself.
Beyond that, our "outdoor" cat is preggy. Yep, that means kittens. My mother says "She's not our cat, she's a stray!" After I exuberently exclaim "I love our cats." So we may have kittens in the books so if anyone in the Arlington area is looking for new pets, we may not give them all to the animal shelter.

A Guilty Poem

Deliberation Celebration

That last wired feeling
and plunge from that
cup of coffee you shouldn't have had.

The threads of smoke,
From the one cigarette
That gives you lung cancer.

That piece of pumpkin pie
You are dreading,
With whipped cream.

You protest, "I want to be thin"
But then give in.

Haiku #5

Wooden telephone poles
Reach for the sky and serve as
Bird congregations.

JavaScript to Girl Scouts

I'm reading JavaScript for Dummies and the book self-describes as "a good friend who started at the beginning, learned the ropes the hard way and now wants to help you get up to speed." No kidding. The book is really like a computer geek friend by telling you a bunch of information you're not going to get full-blast, breakneck speed. Not one to give up even while the task is daunting, perhaps it gets more explainatory in later chapters.
So far I've learned that JavaScript has functions and methods and somehow you combine them with event handlers to make an action happen. Confusing to say the least. Well, life is sometimes like that. You get thrown into a situation and have to think on your feet. Different times new equals scary or frightening. But life doesn't have to be like that. Just prepare yourself (the girl scout way) and don't forget the cookies.

Cooking

Made dinner today. There was some sort of mix of corn, lentils, beans and rice, that turned out interesting. And hot. I 'urnt my tongueeee. The rice didn't cook so I decided to throw out that recipie. That's the second time I've cooked it and it turned out the same. Then there was some uber healthy red, green, and yellow sauted peppers with zucchini squash.

Ode to cooking

My hands like you.
They whisper back and forth
And have violent conversations
with the chopping knife.

One, two, three,
Like army soldiers,
The pieces of vegetables
March to the humming boil

Of a thousand molecules
turning into gas
I laugh
The kitchen is my

Moving and grooving of
A thousand bangings of
Pots and pans.
Recipies grow

Flow, down to the finest detail;
A sprig of parsley.

Blasted Summer and Blogger

Haiku #4

Blogger sucks and blows
Only the title of post
Who is your father?

Bush and Bill and Bills

Went digging through my file marked "bills" today and threw out a couple things. There was one bill that has only been sent to me once for a thousand dollars which I threw out because that might have been before insurance. There are two statements, one from Hays County EMS for $700 and one from Central Texas Medical Center for $455.86, which have not gone through to the insurance yet. I've also found a bill from Medical Centerof Arlington for an extra $100.
But talk about finances, Bush will have trouble financing the war if he doesn't sign a bill promising to pull troops out by August 2008. Talk about your dilemmas. He can either choose not to have funds for the troops or to pull them out early. His choice. We see what a double-edged sword the House Democrats have placed in the bill. Now we wait to see what he shall do.

First Debt Paid

My first debt is finally paid off today to Seton Shoal Creek, a wonderful $180.89. Tastes like sunshine on a spring day, looks like a finely-crafted cabinent, smells like blooming rosebuds and sounds like the cooing of a dove.
The next debt I'm concentrating on is $400 from Nix Healthcare Systems. $50 of my second paycheck will go to them. If I'm calculating correctly they will be paid off by the end of April. I still have a school loan monthly payment to make this month, along with money for buying medicine, which is usually $50. This means, I'll be well on my way to paying my debt with my job and my dad's checks taken into consideration.

Morning Glory

I went to a church meeting recently. Everyone was praying aloud and singing and having a good ole' time. The church I go to is not the way you would think. There's plenty of young people but no big band or electric guitar. Just some old guy playing the guitar for the group. So why do we go there? I think it has something to do with life. Not completely sure, but the theory has plausability.
The young people had just gotten back from a college conference. What I enjoyed from their sharing was of people's spirit's being like doves. Soft and fluttering and easily scared away. That gentleness we sense in our spirit can be felt and we want that peace in our spirit to alight and continue there.
And a shout-out to Crystal, my home-girl, for driving me to the Holts for pizza.

Sleep

Sleep often eludes us. We don't often think about it, but we are like cyborgs, needing "sleep batteries" to recharge. What exactly do we need sleep for?
Well, during sleep, the growth hormone is excreted. Therefore, rest is essential for young ones and important for us adults to keep our skin and muscle tone even.
What about dreams? Scientists hypothesize that dreams are the mind's way of organizing the days events. I know I always feel more rested after a night of sweet, sweet dreams.
So sleep is important to the brain and body and we know this mostly by what happens to us when the brain and body don't get enough. We become cranky and irratable and begin to make mistakes.
I like to think of sleep as our connection with the unconscious and spiritual world. Could be, could not, only time and research can tell.

Haiku #3

Watermelon Ice
Dripping down my fingers
Almost taste summer.

Towards the Light

I am going towards the light.